Scientology Definitions

The Church of Scientology’s official press releases don’t seem to make any sense at all. It’s like they are speaking a foreign language. What is happening in the real world simply doesn’t match up with those releases.

Well, it’s true, they are speaking a foreign language. It’s the language they speak in Scientology-land, and everyone needs a Scientology-to-reality translation dictionary. No, I’m not talking about Scientology’s technical jargon, I’m talking about “new, improved” Scientology definitions for regular, real-world words.

Terrorist:

In the normal world, a “terrorist” is one who utilizes intense fear as a method of coercion.

In Scientology-speak, a “terrorist” is someone who protests against Scientology’s crimes, abuses, lies and fraud.

Do you think that caused “intense fear” in Scientology? Hmmm…

Hate-speak:

In the real world, “hate-speak” is saying hateful things about a class of people–as determined by skin color, ethnicity, etc.

In Scientology-speak, “hate-speak” is saying bad things about Scientology management. Bad things like daring to mention management’s criminal behavior.

Gee, I guess “psychotic management people” might be a “class of people”, eh? Does that count?

Anti-religious:

In the real world, “anti-religious” means being against all religion and religious activity.

In Scientology-speak, “anti-religious” means attacking Scientology management.

Now, really! In what universe is Scientology management associated with religious activity in any way, shape or form?

Religion:

In the real world, religion means providing for the spiritual needs of people, whether they have money or not–especially if not.

In Scientology-speak, religion is selling “religious” services to people, if they have enough money to pay for it. Those without enough money are not worthy of being “helped”–shut up.

Volunteer:

In the real world, a volunteer is someone who, of their own volition, offers to participate in some activity, but who can cease participation whenever they wish.

Scientology-speak definition 1: A volunteer is someone who has been successfully coerced and tricked into starting something, and who now is forceably being prevented from leaving. Example: “RPF participation is voluntary.”

Scientology-speak definition 2: A volunteer is a salesman. Example: “Our volunteer ministers are visiting every country in Europe.”

Scientology-speak definition 3: A volunteer is one person who counts as 1000 people. Example: “We have 100,000 volunteer ministers around the world.”

Religious Freedom:

In the real world, “religious freedom” is about people having the freedom to join the religion of their choice, to leave a religion or to choose no religion.

In Scientology-speak, it means the “freedom” to join Scientology. Nothing else is allowed. You may not leave.

Other religions can just get out of the way, OK?

Freedom of Speech:

In the real world, “freedom of speech” means the people are free to express their opinions without punishment or harm.

In Scientology-speak, “freedom of speech” means Scientology is free to express their opinion without punishment or harm. You are also free to express Scientology’s opinion, and should. All other opinions are forbidden.

With these proper definitions, you can now read the Church of Scientology’s press releases and understand what the heck they are talking about.

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3 Responses to Scientology Definitions

  1. Anonymous says:

    I particularly like the part about numbers of “volunteers” miraculously multiplying, just like the 8 million world-wide scientologist when you would be lucky to find maybe 50,000 on a good day. Good Work!!!!!

  2. Anonymous says:

    There is a simple rule when faced with Scitalk whether given as court testimony or on TV interviews or on the street: you listen to what they say and believe exactly the opposite. Not only do they lie all the time but they attack all the time, and their imagination and experience is naturally limited. So there is another rule which is that they accuse their critics of what they do themselves. When they say bad things about their detractors they are in fact describing themselves. This is all they know, after all, except for some weird science fiction. Most protesters have committed no crimes today; many Scientologists have committed so many crimes they have lost the place. As for their crimes, add in the use of child slave labor brought in on religious passports from the third world. This is probably born of desperation, as educated wogs from the wealthy world back off but it is worse than anything else they have done so far. Little kids who don’t speak English, used for heavy manual labour, badly fed and housed and alone in a strange land. I like the figure of 50,000 on a good day.

  3. Just Bill says:

    Here is another one:We don’t do thatWhen spoken by a Scientologist, that means “We do that but don’t want to admit we do that, please change the subject.”As in “Disconnection? We don’t do that.”

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