First, 12 Scientologists have to carefully research all writings and lectures of L. Ron Hubbard to find everything that LRH ever said that, however remotely, might have something to do with light, lightbulbs, repairs, the effect of electricity on thetans, and so forth.
This research will result in several Scientologists being assigned to revise the official L. Ron Hubbard biography to include the newly discovered fact that Ron actually invented lightbulbs (and, it may be hinted, even light itself).
30 Scientologists will then be assigned by David Miscavige to create a “standard” program, with purposes, policies, major targets, etc., etc. They will work for months to try to get the program approved through David Miscavige. This approval can never happen.
Eventually, Miscavige will, with great drama, declare everyone a Suppressive Person and “do it all himself” (meaning make minor, unnecessary changes to the original program).
150 Scientologists (everyone left at Int. Base) will then work for years on this program, attempting to create and pilot the “Hubbard Standard Tech Lightbulb Changing Course”. The course will include extensive, new Golden Age of Tech drills for changing lightbulbs.
This will never get approved by Miscavige.
Eventually, Miscavige will, with great drama, declare everyone a Suppressive Person, again, and “do it all himself” (meaning make minor unnecessary changes).
1,256 Scientologists (all Scientologists left in Clearwater) will show up at the Big Release Event put on by Miscavige to wildly applaud this new step in “Bringing Scientology Effective Solutions to a Dark and Troubled World”.
The new course will be priced at $10,000.00 and will also require the purchase of all Miscavige’s newly re-re-revised “Basics” books.
13,126 Scientologists (all remaining Scientologists in the world) will be forced off of whatever they were doing to purchase and take this new course. Promoted as something that can be done “in a week”, the course will actually take over six months. Only 153 Scientologists will ever actually complete the course.
They will never be able to change a lightbulb again.
I was recently reminded of the fact that all Scientologists, as part of their indoctrination, receive a humorectomy. Scientology carefully and thoroughly removes all possibility of a sense humor.
While “jokes” might be permitted if the target is a declared Enemy of Scientology, these must be approved by Miscavige and, if approved, are not funny. Humor, laughter, sarcasm, parody — these things are not allowed by Scientology dogma and are thoroughly removed through Scientology indoctrination. Believe it or not, Hubbard actually wrote a Policy Letter forbidding jokes.
This is an effect of Scientology, not just the Church of Scientology. Scientology, even outside the church, is Serious Business. No one is laughing. If you read any of the Independent Scientologists’ websites and blogs, you will be overcome with how Serious It All Is. A criticism isn’t just a criticism, it is an attempt by Whole Track Evil to destroy all of Scientology forever. A bit of a fuss is A Major Battle. Without humor, every molehill becomes a mountain.
Even some ex-Scientologists do not recover a sense of humor. They are battling Scientology and the Church of Scientology and they are very, very serious about it.
But then there is Anonymous. Where Anonymous has been most wonderfully successful is with humor. They laugh at the church, they laugh at Scientologists, they even laugh at themselves. They are a lot more sane than any True Believer.
Humor brings perspective and sanity. It may be Scientologists’ lack of humor that is most responsible for Scientology’s destruction. They just don’t get the joke.